My Immortal: Dragon Age Edition
by CommanderShepardsBooty
Summary: Please no not take this fic seriously and at least know what the infamous My Immortal is before reading. Anyway, this is a satire of My Immortal set inside of Dragon Age. Caution as there is Mary Sue's, plenty of hot sexy badly done sex scenes and gay love. "Disaster in the Dragon Age world as everyone becomes OOC all because a certain girl decides she wanted to write a fanfic"
1. Authors Note

Felt that this needed it's own chapter because some idiots will ignore it if I put it just as a authors note.

Yes, I know I have brought a horrible creature into the world of Dragon Age. This creature is called a Mary Sue. Why oh why would I do this? You may be asking yourself this but the answer is simple, I want to contribute to the fandom in the way I do it best; being as whitty and #banterful as possible. I wanted to contribute to the lulz that and create a Mary Sue that will make Tara (The girl who created the infamous "My Immortal" ) look like Shakespeare and Ebony look like something Charlie Sheen created. (Maybe Charlie Sheen is Tara...)

I am also aware that Fenris, Anders and all the other cannon character will be very OOC. That is part of having a Mary Sue that everyone loves. There will be other characters of my creation based of of my friends (like most Mary Sue writers tend to do). Fenris and Anders will properly be the most OOC of them all. If you don't like this, Don't read and don't flame because I do know Dragon Age. I have played the games and I do check up on the lore a lot so I know what happens.

If I still get flames and i've wrote this, I will find you and KILL YOU! I have wrote this chapter to WARN YOU!


	2. UPTOWN FUNSK

**Real Author** : Hello yes this is me writing this ridiculous story. Sorry fam

fake author: omgsa hope you all lioke me OC

Hello everyone my name is Faye Farah Falinn Fara Dell PC Garnet and I have long blonde hair and I smell of petrol and vapor rub. I am the most beautiful girl in the whole entire kingdom because I am so cool and so pretty. Some people would say I was as pretty as Taylor Swift (AN: I lek love taylor33333) My hair flows and dances in the wind. My face makes boys want to court me and girls want to turn gay for me with little convincing. My breasts are so perfect that they are the cause of 30% of the deaths in Kirkwall. I am so skinny and boney that many have looked at me and said "damn those bloodmages". I forgot to mention that I am both human and elf. I am also a rogue, a warrior abut not a mage because mages are evil because I am so talented and people love me.

Fake author: PPLZ TERLL ME IGD YOU LIKKR HER

 **A/N:** I honestly hate myself why did I so this omg kill me right now


	3. BLKANK SPACE

Authors Note: lmao bitemetomakeariot you are in this hell now

Faye Farah Falinn Fara Dell PC Garnet was with her best friend Harely Hazel Magge Partrick Stump Marigold (dats you alauren) and they were walking thought Kirkwall together. I was wearing a long white dress because of my angelic looks while Harley was wearing a black hoodie with FOB on it (She is goffik if you don't know) she was also wearing skinny jeans and black pumps. She was wearing white foundation and black lipstick .

"OMG FAYE FOB ARE HAING A CONCERT HERE" Harley screamed excitabley.

"OMGSDS I LOVE FOB PETE IS SO HOT" I screamerd so loud that some mages were staring at me so I stuck my middle finger up at them. I stopped in my tracks "look over there it's fenaris oh my god"

"Oh my god you should talk to him!" harley said to meh and pushed me over to him. She did it at such a strength that she banged into Fenris.

"BASTARD!" I scremed getting up to see Fenris. I suddentlyh got all shy and shit "um... hi?"

"Hey" He said in that sexual broody manner.

"What's up?" I asked

"Nothing," He responded shyly

I heard Harley shout on me so I had to go see her.


	4. SATEN

Faye woke up in a barrel. She put on nothing but a kimono and then ventured outside. Harleu was was wearing an ETF tee and a long lacy black skirt with fishnets and boots. It was snowing and a hurricane so I was pleased with todays weather. I took my pet pig that I had named after David Cameron, not that I know why I did that. Me and Harley were talking about the current economic problems in Greece

"OMG you were talking to Fenris!"Harley exclaimed

"Yeah so" I asked

"DO YOU LIKE HIM?" Harley shouted so loudly that she fell down from being too excited

"No way," I scoffed

Just then, I saw Fenris.

"Hi," he said

"I said" HI flirtluyrt

"I was wondering if you wanted to go see FOB" with me" Fenris asked

I./...:)... gasped.

 **Authors Note:** If someone wants to hire a hitman to take me out, i'd be totally 100 ok with that idea


	5. CHERRLEADER

One the night of the concert, I wore a spiderman outfit and since it's the medeviel days I can truly say that I liked spiderman before it was cool. It was ashame that I had to cover my legs for days. I was so happy that I didn't contemplate killing myself for the glory of saten. I drank th blood of beetles (as in the band) and I was ready for the concert.

The smell of angst, casual bigotry and depression was strong in the air so it meant that Fenris was probably waiting for me outside. The concert wasn't far away so we took inspiration from Trainspotting and started doing heavy drugs and making fun of mages.

At the concert, we mosh pitted to FOB doing music with lutes.

"We're going down, down in an earlier round  
And Sugar, we're going down swinging  
I'll be your number one with a bullet  
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it" Peter Slimp samg oit

"OMG PETE IS SO FUCKING HOT" I screamed as pete's lute filled out the areana

suddenly Fenris looked sad but since he always looks sad I didn't catch on

"I don't like him more than you," I said

"Really?" he put his arm around me all protective and stuff

"yeah" I was thinking about vapor rub. I love the smell of vapor rub

the night was amazing. We did hard drugs and then floated over outside where he took me to... the forrest


	6. LEGO OUSE

"where are we going?" I asked Fenris but he wouldn't tell me. We were in a forrest and we were walking in small circles. I was beginning to get incredibly dizzy. He finally stopped.

"Faye?"

"What?"

He leaned in really close. I could see the emotional baggage in his eyes. It turned me on.

Just then...me...and...Fenris...KISSED PASSIONATELY. We made out on a tree and began to take off all of out clothes, even my chastity belt that was basically an electric fence. He put his thingy (orange) in my you know what (fruit basket) and we did it for the very first time (organising the fruit basket)

"OHHHIOHOHOHD FSDFIONJH" I was getting a power orgasm and then...

"WHAT THE FUICK ARE Y'A;LL DPOGM" It was... dun dun dunnnnn Hawke!"!£!"£$

 **Authors Note** : Do you know what would sort this disaster out? Death of the author.


	7. BLANK MAGIC

**A/N: This story was a mistake but hey, people want me to continue this madness. For some reason my RL friends find this hilarious so I guess I'll continue.**

FA/N: omgs guyz stop flaminbg you guys are worsef dthan maeges, LOVE YOU LAREN AND HOANNA

Hawke was making us march outside. For some reason Hawke didn't want us to get dressed so we walked through the streets at night naked. People pointed and laughed at me which was really mean I fucking harte Haekw hope he dies.

"YOU SILLY SAUSAGES!" Hawke contintued taunting us as we went to his hoem for some reason where Betheny and Varric were chiling. Hawke texted them all using a rock to gathewr them all to laugh at me and Fenris./

"THEY WERE HAVING SEX IN THE FOREEST" Hawke whisped to them. They all gasped at me.

"Why would you do that you mediocer dunces!" Betheny cried

"How AFDSARE YOU" Varric used his insifde voice.

Fenris looked broody as every "BECAUSE I LOVE HER"

Everyoner looked like that moment whern you ask your mum a question and she starts shouting at you and when you ask her why she is shouting at you she says it's because you were shouting at her.

"You should go home Faye"

I did so. I went home, got my Pjs on, killed a cow and sacrifised it so that HAWKE would die a terrible and painful death that would really dfucking hurt. The smell of insecurity and hatred was strong again so I looked out my window to see Fenris dancing naked and singing twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder what you are and then he sang "I'm like a laywer the way I'm always trying to get you off" by FOB. I was flattered because it#s my fave FOB song. We hugged and kissed but he reluctantly left.


	8. FUCDCM ME IN THE ASSD HOLE

I visited fenris's mansion where we started doing hard drugs while watching trainspottign. He also massaged me with vapor rub so I kept up my healthy scent and then he rinsed me with petrol. I was thinking of asking him to dress up as a cat and then let me scratch his belly. Anyway, he started to french and shit but then I notvcd something.

He has a tattoo on his ass that was a big love heart. It had the name..,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,...ANDERS INSIDE OH MY FUCKING GOD IT'S GOPINH DOWN.

"YOU BASTARD!" I tried to get up but my skin was too slipperly...

"NO FAYE YU DONT# UNDERTLAND"" HE SHOYTUED at me ready to apoligise

I ended up getting off and sliding away majestically to find Anders. He was in his clinic chilling with Hawke and Merrill.

"ANDER SYOU MOTHER FUCJKERRRRR" I shouted accusingly whilst falling over because I am still naked and covered in vapor rub,


	9. Miserable lesbians

Everyone in the room with stairing at me, mainly because I was still naked and smelt like vapor rub. Fenris rushed in, also naked.

"You don't understand!" he screamed upsetingly.

My friend was there too. Hername was Badge Pencil POSTAGE NOITE Jessic Rabbit. She was made in a lab and her father is Commander Shepard. She was goo frieds with Merrill who also smioed understandly. We were a squad. You don't fuck with the squad.

"You again Faye? What is it you desire you rubber chicketn?" Hawke said.

"I can't believe you would cheat on me wit FUCKGINFD ANDERS!"

 **Randomly changing to Fenris's point of view**

I don't understand why she is mad at me. Anders accidentally clicked on the flirting dialogue which triggered a sick night on the town where I got his name tattooed on my ass. We're just friends. We kill people together and chill together. Sometimes I suck his dick but we mainly chill

 **POV back to normal**

"I DON'T EVEN LIKE ANDERS!" Fenris shouted at me

"Yeah right fuck you and your perfect booty" I clicked my fingers and Merill nd Badge followed me out.


	10. SHOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE

I had a terrible dream

I woke up cryiong and singing safety dance because you can dance if you want to, you can leave your friends behind because if your friends don't dance, if they don't dance, they are no friends of mine.I had a dream that Fenris was smoking a joint and got into snoop dog. I also remember him screaming "LET ME DROP MY MIXTAPE" and that was it,

I was really scared because I knew what Feris could be doing right now. Fucking Anders in the butt because gay and things. I wonder if Ander's butt tastes like porrige

Anyway, I went into my living room and Badge and her boyfriend Cellotape were in the room. We called him cellotape because he was adopted. His father was David Cameron. Thaty's all you need to know.

"What are we doing today Faye?" Cellotape asked me

"chilling," I said, smelling joanna- I mean Badge's nature scent of shoe polish. Cellotape smelt of broken dreams and failures.

"What's going on with yhou and Fenris?" Badge asked me. I started wheeping potato chips

"HE DOESN'T LOVE MKE HE LOVES ANDERS TGE STUPID AND OBVIOUSLH GAY MAGE" I started crying coconut I ran outside and then came a ugly man on a broom stick. It was...danarius

"NO!" I screamed because he was so ugly and it was making me sad

He shouted

I coudln't get away/. Suddenyl, Harley floated in with her magic wolf that managed to get him off of his broom. I laughed so much that I grew a second penis

"FAYE" he shouted "you must hand denris to meeeh"

"NO" I screamed

"YOU WILL OR ELSE I WILL KILL HIM AND YOU" Danarius gave me a omgz-need-to-get-my-nails-done-this-weekend-look.

Suddenly I disappeared and Fenris appeared out of no where

"Hi" he said. I think he was depressed but he alweays sounds depressed. One day, I asked him if he was sad and he thre me out a window because I was wrong.

"Are you ok?" I asked him

"No,"

"Soz that I thought you licked Anders butt on the weekend"

Fenris smiled and I swear to god that mountains started to quake and that the dogs were barking like mad and there was one guy running around going ITS THE END OF THE WORLD "It's fine"

We went back to the appartment to have you-know-what.


	11. kill me pls

I was so scared that Danarius would come back. I went to my band rehearsals for my band caled "Infortmation that is never mentioned again". In the band was me, fenris, harley, cellotape, merrill and varric. We had finished out hit single "What do you mean" and then I toook a break to go and cry.

Badge followed "Faye are you ok?"?"?"?"?"?"?""?"?"?

NOOOO I wispered, "Danarius came and told me to bring Fenris to him or else he'd kill me..."

Suddenly, Badge peeled off her skin to reveal it was Fenris all the time

"HOW COULD YOU NOT SHARE THIS WITH ME FAYE YOU SLUTTY 7!"

We both started to cry. We flooded the place and everyone died. He ran out crying.

We practised one more hour until Anders ran in crying

"HOW COULD YOU YOU SCISSOR WHORE!" he said to me crying "Fenris commited suicide while sucking my dick"


	12. WRITINGS ON LE WALL

OMCSSSSSSSS! Badge screamedc and Harley went to confort me. I ran off and slit a chickens death and then listened to the sound of people vomiting for two hours. When I fell asleep I had a terrible dream where Danarius has Fenris... in bondage. It turned me on.

Anyway, I went to Harely's because why not.

"You look like shit," she said

"fuk u," I screamed and left. Everyone hated me.

At my apartment, Anders turned up at my house. I wanted to ask him if it was weird that I drew him and Fenris eating eachothers feet

"We have to find him"

"I dunno where he is"

For some reson, Anders pulled out a flame from his pocket

"we need to look into the flames... that my immortal got!"

He used a spell to get there.


	13. PENCIL UP THE BUTTHOLE

me and anders ended up heading off to mcdonalds. we figured that if Fenris had been there for a long time then he'd probably be pretty hungry. I realosed that Anders is a pretty cool guy and if I hadn't met Fenris then I'd probably ask Anders if I can shove a cube up his ass.

we ended up going to the lair and found Danarius torturing Fenris while playing Adele in the background. Danadrius put on a wig and sang Hello to Fenris while holding a fan to make it more dramatic. I ran in but ended up falling over. Anders cried. It was sad

"Megan- I mean Faye," Danarius said lookinh at me as if i was a piece of meat, "i luv u please let me have sex with you and Fenris,"

"EWWWW NO WAY LOSER," I stabbed him with a lampshade and ran away.

We went to mine. Anders chilled ut while me and fenris went to make the beast with two backs. I started to sob. It turned Fenris on.

wats wrong? he asked

"I'm too perfect," I shouted and got dressed. This caused Fenris great distress because the fear and sadness of other people makes his skin look clean and youthful, "Danarius wants to hae sax with me and Anders likes me. I just wanna be with you. Damn HoeOfGrimdark for making me so perfect and amazing and everyone lobves me,"

"Wait Faye," Fenris said, getting up

"No. Why can't I be like you? No one likes yo," I ran off


	14. BORN THGIS WAAAY

"You can shove a christmas tree up Anders ass," I shouted. I went to my apartment that was covered in pictures of Commandor Shepard's perfectly structured ass. I wanted to put a candle there. I listened to the sound of snuff films that I imagined me doing this stuff to Hawke because I still FUCKING HATE HAWKE'S GUTS I HOPE HE DIES THE SILLY SAUSAGE HOW DARE EH!11!

Anyway. I went to play mass effect. Why couldn't this fanfic be mass effect? I would easily kill Fenris to touch Commandor Shepard's perfect ass.

I then wore assless leather chaps and nothign else. I heard someone outside and it was...gues...no really guess...ok...if you insist... it was Fenriis HA BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING!

"FAYE I LOVE YOUQQQQ!" He shouted, "you are so cool and so pretty and yeah. I only liked guys before you and now I am bisexual," He started singing and I headbutted him before he cannot sing and shouldn't ever sing to me again. I actually feel kinda depressed by that. When he woke up and forgave me he told me that Sleeping With Sirens are having a concert here and I knew we were going to it.


	15. SKYFUL

i was so excited for the sleeping with sirens concert we ran to the front of the stage and started a recreation of swan lake. Kellin Quinn is sooooo fuckuing hot and i knew that fenris agrreed because he was totally turned on by his voice. I will fucking make him sleep in a cage if he likes someone that isn't me. We began to french passionatly when Kellin Quinn puilled off his mask and turned out to be...DANARIUS OOOOH SHIT SON.


	16. i know plaves

"WTF Fenris," I shouted,"No more concerts! Not after the time that HAWKE THAT FUCKING BASTARD I WOULD SLIT HIS THROAT WHILE SHOVING MY FIST UP HIS ASS caught us,"

"What when we... you know,"

"yeah"

"Oh don't worry, Anders will be on stand by for that,"

"OMG FENRIS YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT STUPID MAGE HE'S SUCH A GAY MAN OMG ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?"

NO! he got on his knees and started making frog noises and rolling around the floor. I headbutted him again for acting like a peasant.

My best friend Harley came again

"Oh btw I fucking hate HAWKE I HOPE THAT STILLY MAN GETS A PHONE STUCK UP HIS ASSHOLE," I said

"Kawaii" Harley said before we started watching My Immortal

"Oh BTW we need to find clothes for the Escape the Fate concert," She said

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEH shopping," I said, "What about hollister?"

"Nope," she said happily

"WHAT THE FUCK LAUREN WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO OUR CLAM"

"i KNOW PLACES"

The shop lauren took me to was near by and the sales person looked suspisiously like Danarius but I'm sure it was nothing. He gave me a few dresses, "I only give this one to bae #goals"

I thought he said bagal so i didn't get it and tried on the dress. It wasn't a dress. It was a lampshade

"You look hot," he said, "I'll give it too you for free! are you doing to the escape the fat concert?"

"Yeah, btw because I totally do not think you have any connection to Danarius whatsoever, my name is Faye Farah Falinn Fara Dell PC Garnet,"

"My name is Danarius"

"what?"

"I mean stephen," he said, nothing suspicious, "I might see you,"

"Probably not because I am going with Fenris my man slave," I said before Anders FUCKING RIPPED DOWN THE DOOR AND THREW IT OFF OF HARLEY,"

"FAYE COME WITH ME,"


	17. FUCK YE CHICKEN STRIPS

The guy gave us so much clothe because we were bae#goooaals. I'm guessing the guy was bisexual/ If you can recall, Danarius did try to have sex with me but come on, he must have tapped Fenris at least once… he sang an adele song to him. Anyway, don't know why I'm talking about Danarius because he's not even involved in this. Oh yeah, and I made Anders cry because I spilt tea over his manifesto. We went to Harley's apartment to get ready.

"You look like shit"

I headbutted Harley and cried myself to death

"You going to the concert with Fenris?" She asked

"Yeah," I said

"Cool, I'm going with Hawke"

OMH HARLEY YOU KNOW I HATE HIM JUST GO STOP TTHIS MADNESS HARLEY FUCK YOU AND YOUR FIRST BORN

Anyway, Me and Fenris were cute anyway. We did lots of heroin and then mocked mages. From nowhere I could hear Anders crying while screaming lines from his manifesto.

i was so excited for the escape the fate concert we ran to the front of the stage and started a recreation of swan lake. Ronnie Radke is sooooo fuckuing hot and i knew that fenris agrreed because he was totally turned on by his voice. I will fucking make him sleep in a cage if he likes someone that isn't me. We began to french passionatly when Ronnie Radke puilled off his mask and turned out to be...DANARIUS OOOOH SHIT SON.

"YOU FACIOUS PLEBIANS" He shouted, "I TOLD YOU TO BRING ME FENRIS AND NOW YOU MUST DIE"

SUDDENLY ANDERS POPPED OUT OF THE BASIST' MOUTH AND HEADBUTTED DANARIUS TO THE GROUND.


End file.
